Miracles and Magic

The world has fallen apart on me numerous times. And each time it falls apart, the hole in my heart and parts of soul fall apart as well. In these times of darkness, I am trying to remind myself that I am courageous and that it will get better. I'm that girl. One with strength for the world to see within sweaty palms of my fragile hands; powerful enough to go through my broken world and rebuilding it one step at a time, one piece at a time. Sometimes I wonder, how can someone have so much strength and courage fall apart over the smallest things? It's like, everything touches my soul and I become so vulnerable to everything. Even with the ones I love most,  I am such. You could be miles away from me but if my eyes fall in love with the curve of your smile or that little sparkle in your eyes when your name gently rolls off my tongue, my soul instantly becomes a soft grain of sand. Everything seems to touch and hurt me tremendously. How can I ever let myself be this weak? Having

Have you ever wondered what it s like to miss someone who is miles away? Thinking if they are actually thinking about you ? Thinking if they actually look at you the same way they did before they went away? The thing about long distance relationship is that it gets tiring to answer the what if's. What if he doesnt feel the same way? What if this is not gonna work out? What if the feelings fade? Truth is, it's not as easy as it seems. For me at least. It's so difficult to sustain without having enough trust and telling yourself tha things will get better. As much as the tell you it makes the heart go fonder, sometimes it just doesn't. Sometimes, it just eats your heart out. What makes it more difficult are on days and nights where things are rough and you just wanna tell them all about it and cry on their shoulders and hoping that there would be soothing hugs you can look forward to but you know that you can't. You know that the physical touch you long for is never

She is aware that you can exit her life as easily as you can enter it.The most terrifying part of allowing someone into your ferociously protected inner world is that once a person chooses to enter, he or she can also turn around and exit at any given time and at that point, it is something we have no control over. The tough girl  knows this from personal experience. It doesn't matter who leaves or what has caused them to leave, it always hurt. The feeling of losing someone always hurt. It sometimes wanna make you feel like you never wanna let anyone in anymore. It's like its pointless and not worth the risk. She knows that your words could cut her. She tries not to have any hopes when it comes to you but she can't. Though she is so seemingly fierce and unbreakable something as vapid as a mere word could actually scar her steel skin. The thing about this outwardly brave and inwardly fragile and broken girl is that once she grants you permission to enter her life and make

When you’re in love, it consumes you. It’s all you think about. Even when you aren’t thinking about it, you’re still thinking about it. Matters of the heart are a strange byproduct of the human condition. Love saturates your heart, feeds it something it never knew it needed but now is desperate to be quenched by it. When your lover isn’t near, you want him or her. You long for your partner’s touch, even when his or her hand has just left your cheek. You are addicted to your partner’s scent. You find yourself in the happiest, most exquisitely peaceful state when you lie in your partner’s bed and can smell him or her on the sheets. You’re so happy you found someone. You finally found someone you can see yourself with forever. Finally, the universe threw you a bone. Every day is a beautiful adventure. The thought of it ending feels like knives… Losing your lover begins slowly. Everything was perfect one day, and like a shift in the seasons, suddenly a crispy chill wisps

I am the almost girl. The girl who is  almost  good enough to commit to; the girl who is  almost  good enough to introduce to his friends; the one who is  almost  worth seeing sober, instead of insecure and obliterated. I am the girl who was  almost  good enough to love. I am the girl who has “almost relationships,” more than I care to count and when i do get into a real relationship, it somehow would just fail I am 2e years old and have been with guys that I can put a number to, where we talk a lot, hang out, but never actually settle our feelings and put a label on it. Yes, we were exclusive and, yes we cared about each other, whether we defined the relationship or not, but either one or neither of us was ready to totally commit to the other and actually be a couple. The kind of couple that goes on dates in public and he pays; the kind where just being together gets you 50 shades of nervous and worked up in the best way. I am sitting here at 23 years old, convinced t

This is a simple not so simple thank you. This is just me giving love through what I am good at. This year has just started and this month is about to end and   all I can think of is my suppressed past, the now I prayed for and the future that I’m working and wishing for. This entry goes to my Domino's buddy, movies buddy, my football buddy, my coffee buddy, my food buddy and at one point the best buddy. This piece is for you and this post is an indirect thank you note to you. So, here it is. He WAS my past and my past is one person I used to love. I loved dearly and once had a soft space in my broken heart for. Even now,  I’m quite shivery writing about him. This person tested my every capability, my every potential of loving, waiting and being patient. There is not much to be discussed or to be mentioned about this person but I do want to say thanks to him. I figured I have to reveal something someday, guess that’s now. Escaping situations and dodging questions about thi