Miracles and Magic

Apparently, I'm at a stage of my life where I can finally say I give up. It's been tough. This roller coaster ride has been nothing but a bane, one which is too heavy to lift. I no longer bother finding my muse. I no longer bother if i actually meant anything to anyone. If there is one thing December and 2014 has taught me, it's that finding a muse is not nearly as important as losing one. Every year around this time, I lose you. I lose you at each December and I finally realise that the pain I had to endure for losing you is much more than I can handle. And each December, my navigation system can never ever navigate me to your heart, sight and mind regardless how much I want to be just near you. You were my muse. Everything I ever wanted and imagined was sewn onto your soul, but when it's December, that muse is simply invisible. People tell me that December is a beautiful month with beautiful rain and snow but the way I see it, December is the last thing

"A wall broke my heart. A wet field of grass broke my heart. A child hugging his parents legs in an airport broke my heart. Water in a bath has broken my heart. A tattoo has broken my heart. A photograph on the internet broke my heart. A watch broke my heart. Holding my breath underwater broke my heart.  You have your unique fractures along your heart, and I have mine. And maybe there is nothing, anywhere, that doesn't break someone's heart."

Because I’m not the girl I used to be               I'm never going to be the girl, who is brave enough to tell you how she really feels. I'm never going to be the girl that someday you will fall for. I'm just going to be that girl, who sits by and watch you smile, just being happy for you, for every apparent reason. I'm never going to be the girl, who people remember to help. I'm never going to be that girl, who people sees as someone worth saving and helped, just because I am not as important to them as they are to me. I'm just going to be that girl, who sits by and let people take her for granted, for every apparent reason. I'm never going to be the girl, with so much success and wisdom. I’m never going to be that girl that will make you proud for my achievements as I’m not half as bright as the others. I'm never going to be that girl, because all she is before is nothing, not much of anything really. I'm just going to be that girl, wh