Life.

2020 has been nothing but exciting, exhilarating and confusing all at the same time. It's like changes happened way faster than it used to. I've seen people change, I've lost great people in my life and I'm still picking up pieces of myself to feel ultimately whole again.

2020 has shown me that in just 3 months, your life could change. HOLISTICALLY.  I have never been so afraid of what the future holds for me until now. Until today. I've spent some nights crying in bed, loathing life and waking up the next year realising how content I should be. I need to remind myself to always count all the small blessings I have in life.

This year, all I want to do is to find myself by not letting anyone of anything slip by. It is to seek;

the strength that was once there.

the sincere smiles I used to carve. 

the kindness that was often sincere.

the endless love that i could share like confettis,

the calm in the chaos,

the hope in pain, 

and the love in loss. 

In searching for all of these,  I will remind myself that healing will always take time and place and that there isn't a special formula in this universe to speed the process. It may be slow, and it can be ugly but ultimately, I know I will rise above it all.  I will find courage behind all those complicated places within me and face all those fears that have been haunting me in the past. I will continue healing and chasing my dreams. 

Till then, 

Eva.