I'm lost, confused but strangely contented.

Here's the thing about life, when you get here, you are not given instructions. No one will ever tell you that Heart A is meant to slot into Heart B. They don't provide you a diagram about how you are meant to live each day of your life or give you directions to assemble pieces of broken hearts to tie a knot of happiness. You are not even told what colours to paint your feelings with or who to give it to. All of these are simply because it is all up to you. It always has been. At this point I have listed all the feelings that I want to feel before I die, but it seems impossible to feel all of it because I realised that I have to tick almost everything off the list to be more realistic about life and emotions. At this track that I'm on right now, I don't even know which track to choose or which path will lead me to a better life.I'm lost, confused but strangely contented. I don't wanna be what the world wants me to be and I'm never gonna perfect enough for that one person. The point is, I need a guide book. A guidance to better hopes and dreams. I don't wanna make wishes upon stars or even 11.11 wishes. They are ridiculous - enough said here. Forgive me if there are part of you that thinks I'm ridiculing you, but I am not. I am only speaking the truth in me and nothing other than that. I'm done plastering fake smiles on my face to make others happy and to hide what I really feel. One day, when God gives me enough courage, I'll stand on my feet and tell all of you what it really feels to be me. Each night as all you sneak on your bed under your blankets to sleep, I did nothing but feel petrified of what tomorrow may bring. Yes, I over analyse, I'm paranoid but that is what I am. I've got feelings too. I'm not that tough girl all of you think you knew. Till then, bye :')

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