Miracles and Magic

For the past 2 weeks of my life, things have changed so much. So much it does not even seem digestible. It's like everyone changed. I saw people coming into my life and I saw people leaving. It's like I don't even know why and how it could happen. Maybe it's just the way things are suppose to be. Maybe it's just something everyone else would go through. I came to my realisation that everyone changes so slowly, they don't even know that they have. And everyone likes to pretend that things are just the same yet they look at you like you could bring something back that’s supposed to already be here. It's like everyone seems to be puzzled with reality. The past 2 weeks have been both the best, the happiest and the saddest days of my life, but I still cant draw out the fine line on which is which. Im just clueless.Too clueless on how I feel and how I should feel. 

Life wasn’t meant to be taken in large movements. The next day will inevitably arrive, you’ll sleep, and the moment will have passed. But when you have a hundred thousand small moments, you can step back and appreciate the picture a lot more than metaphorically blowing your load on some grand moment that, in all honesty, look, You’re not Romeo and/or Juliet. There’s no reason to drink the poison together in some flame-out gesture. So that leaves us with the small stuff. It’s all about the detail. That’s what love is. Attention to detail. And the moment will end. And then things will get boring. And it might get a little quiet. And it might all end horribly. And you might hate each other at the end. And you might walk away from each other one day and never speak again. But that’s just how it goes. But she’ll remember the time you held the door open for her on your first date. She’ll remember the time you laughed at her impression of the landlady. She’ll remember the time you stay...

If you really knew me : You wouldn't judge me. You'd accept me, you'd love me. You would know that I wanna be more than just friends. You'd know im not okayy even when I said eveything is fine. You'd know how hard it is for me to trust & fully love someone. You'd know that im no sweet talker. You'd know i really love it when we hold hands. You'd know i cry way too much for you. You'd know its so hard for me to control myself when im with you. You'd know that i try to love myself each day. You'd know that im frustrated that you make the same mistakes again & again. You'd know that i forgive you because i need you in my life. You'd know that it hurts.

Its been ages since i ranted things out on this blog and i guess each time that i actually write, i end up posting something emotional and sad. For the past few days, all these emotional loop has gone from bad to worse and at this point, it seems to be slowly eating me up. Its like pressure and stress everywhere and expectations to conform and live up to. It's like relationships are getting weirder and weirder that I can no longer make sense out of it. Sometimes it makes me wonder what it feels to be so heartless. Well, this is due to the fact that i see people around me acting up and putting up a shield and be end up becoming heartless motherfuckas like God knows why. Its kinda weird how all these heart , feelings and emotions work. Its like one that its so clear on what u want and how u feel and the next, its just so vague that u start doubting yourself. Urgh. All these rants during study week. May God ease evrything fr all of us  :')