Miracles and Magic

This is life. People will screw you over. You’ll fight with your family. You’ll witness things that will change you forever. You’ll blame new lovers for things old lovers did. You’ll lose best friends you thought would always be there. You’ll come to realize that everyone has a past. You’ll cry, you’ll laugh, and you’ll embarrass yourself. But then, you’ll find your very own moment where none of that matters; where you can sit back and realize that shit happens to the people who can handle it and that this is who you are, and that no one should want to change you, including yourself.

let's play pretend, shall we? pretend that everything is okay even it hurts so badly. pretend that everything is fine but actually it's not. pretend that we have nothing to worry about even if we have one hundred million things to worry about. all we have to do is enjoy our lives while we can. but don't forget our responsibility towards others, other things. our moments, our memories. and life would be easier. but the problem is, life doesn't work that way. people judge, people tell lies, people hate to see others happy, people are full with negative thoughts, people make mistakes, people talk bad about others, people make promises then they break them, people apologize but sometimes they never mean it, some people can't just shut their mouth, people always get tired with one and another, etc. and why is that so? because we are only human. we need each other because no one's meant to be alone. how many times do we forgive someone just because we don't want t...

The girl who seemed unbreakable, broke. The girl who was always laughing, cried. The girl that never stop trying, finally lost hope. She finally dropped the fake smile as tears rolled down her cheeks and whispered to herself : 'I can't do this anymore but I'll try holding on' The hardest part about walking away from you is knowing that you won't run after me.

First thing first, evanna is one corny, emotional girl who often thinks her life is nothing but another Kurt Cobain suicide. Pretty fucked up isn't it? Well, I am right now getting all this negative vibes from my surrounding and that pretty much explains the emotional posts. You see, the wall of happiness that i had built all this while has gone right down the dark alley of desolation. What im trying to point out here is that there is something i need you to know. All this while, I've been writing for you and always you. Others who read this may not know it but you should. And many may think they know everything but I'm certain that they don't. Andd, all those things that I have ever written about before, it is meant for you and no one else. From where I am standing now, Im just guessing that you somehow have feelings left somewhere within you. There are feelings but its hard to reach. And I somehow wish you could reach the feelings right here right now and just tell me...

I wonder if he stays up until 2 a.m thinking about me. I wonder if he hears a certain song and thinks about me. I wonder if he thinks about things to say to me every morning. I wonder if when he feels sad he thinks about my smile. I wonder if he sees me and he thinks that Im beautiful. I wonder if he thinks about me before he goes to sleep. I wonder if song lyrics remind him of me. I wonder if he looks at me if im not looking at him. I wonder if he had ever thought of kissing me the way I have. I wonder if he misses my hugs when I'm away. Probably not.

Im giving up all my hopes that I have had all this while. I don't know where did I went wrong , nor do I know why we have to resort to fights and arguments. I don't know what else I have to do to stop us from fighting every now and then. I don't know how to show you that i'm hurt. I am just gonna let you win over and over again because I am so sick of fighting over and over again over the same matter. Just so you know, I have never love you less, the love I have had for you has been growing . It always will. At this point, i just wanna tell you im truly sorry for the mistake i have once again made. But please, for once let's not fight? Can we just skip this bitter chapter and move to chapters of happiness. It has been 19 MONTHS :'(