Tuesday, April 28, 2015

How it feels like to suddenly lose your other half.

When you’re in love, it consumes you. It’s all you think about.
Even when you aren’t thinking about it, you’re still thinking about it.
Matters of the heart are a strange byproduct of the human condition. Love saturates your heart, feeds it something it never knew it needed but now is desperate to be quenched by it.
When your lover isn’t near, you want him or her. You long for your partner’s touch, even when his or her hand has just left your cheek.
You are addicted to your partner’s scent. You find yourself in the happiest, most exquisitely peaceful state when you lie in your partner’s bed and can smell him or her on the sheets.
You’re so happy you found someone. You finally found someone you can see yourself with forever.
Finally, the universe threw you a bone.
Every day is a beautiful adventure. The thought of it ending feels like knives…

Losing your lover begins slowly.

Everything was perfect one day, and like a shift in the seasons, suddenly a crispy chill wisps through your life, signaling a coming change.
You wake up one morning and can just sense something is different. It’s a look in his or her eyes, sudden diminished warmth, a sudden distance. There is a kind of fog between the two of you that wasn’t there before.
Suddenly, the way he or she looks at you is different, and it makes you uneasy.
You ignore it. You push it off. You tell yourself this is nothing. It’s all in your head.

It’s an echo in your heart.

There’s hollowness in everything you do. You feel like an actor in your own life, and you’re the understudy who was never supposed to play the lead.
You are constantly on the edge of tears. You crave his or her love so emphatically it hurts. You feel the desperation hot and sticky on your skin. It feels like shame to need love so badly.
The loss is like an echo in your heart, a growing chasm that shows no sign of stopping.
The walls crumble away like mountain terrain before an impending avalanche.
It’s a slow process, moving in increments from day to day, the wound growing deeper and deeper, each moment more infected and festering than the last.

Your partner is disappearing.

You can feel him or her fading. It’s just a palpable loss. He or she just doesn’t seem interested in you anymore.
Gone are the small declarations of affection, the sweet unexpected kisses on street corners and shy reaches for your hand. Gone are the looks of tender, childlike wonder you once delighted in so fully.
So, you try to love enough for both of you. You show him or her affection twice as much; you kiss your partner as often as you can, hold him or her as much as you can.
You try to breathe your love into your partner, hoping if it can somehow reach him or her, it will warm his or her heart, and he or she will come back to you. 

And suddenly you realised that those were all pointless because everything is slowly fading. As it fades before you expect it to fade, you know that deep down in you, all you want to do is just save the relationship and most importantly safe both the hearts that dwelled into it in the first place. 

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