Apparently, I'm at a stage of my life where I can finally say I give up. It's been tough. This roller coaster ride has been nothing but a bane, one which is too heavy to lift. I no longer bother finding my muse. I no longer bother if i actually meant anything to anyone. If there is one thing December and 2014 has taught me, it's that finding a muse is not nearly as important as losing one. Every year around this time, I lose you. I lose you at each December and I finally realise that the pain I had to endure for losing you is much more than I can handle. And each December, my navigation system can never ever navigate me to your heart, sight and mind regardless how much I want to be just near you. You were my muse. Everything I ever wanted and imagined was sewn onto your soul, but when it's December, that muse is simply invisible. People tell me that December is a beautiful month with beautiful rain and snow but the way I see it, December is the last thing to beautiful. Maybe, just maybe at this point of your life, December has been pretty and somehow I wish it is for you. I hope this December allows you to find your muse, since you have totally lost me. May the beautiful stars of December light your way in finding your Muse. Cause truth is, I gave up looking for mine. I keep telling myself that “This is life, this is just how it is and how it’ll always be.” But now I realised that I am actually living through something where I need to get to destination, with or without my muse and I know it's the same for you to. And while, logically, I know that there was a time before now, when things were different, and that there will be a time after now, and where things will change, it’s so hard to remember right now what before and after would be like. Though I have entirely lost my muse, I need you to know that you are alive in a memory. You will always be.
You, are and always will be my once upon a time.