Here comes the night when you start over analysing every little thing that has ever gone wrong in your life. You start thinking about all the mistakes you have made and wished you could turn back time and hope for a better past. Well, that is basically the night that I am going through. As I sit on this bed of mine, memories of the past keep on bugging me and I keep on wondering about the actions that I made in this current life of mine. Things are pretty fucked up that it sometimes make me wanna just blurt it all out in tears. I guess I understand why people cut or even commit suicide. It is because the pain that they have to endure in the process of cutting themselves or even committing suicide is lesser than the pain that they have to go through in their daily lives. It's sad how people who you thought you could trust start to turn their backs on you and it's weird how sometimes your enemies treat you better than your so-called- friends. It's a crazy lil world we live in. That's for sure. And its sad when you thought you actually have someone to call your own but it turns out that they are never really there. I hate this kind of nights where I have to think so much adn analyse and later evaluate every little action of mine. It fucking sucks. It gets the best of my emotions. It drains me out. It makes me weak and It makes me wanna do stupid crazy things which I should not. Right now, i just want this terrifying night to end. I want every little thing to run smooth when I wake up tomorrow. So God, I know you're listening and I just wanna wish for a few things.
Firstly, forgive all my wrong doings and show me the light to the right path.
And secondly, teach me how to love and be loved. :'( Amen.
PS: It's a rough night and I wish I didn't have to go through this alone.