Wednesday, January 7, 2015

To the guy who walked away.

This is prolly the last post in my blog that will be about you. I know it has been hard for the both of us. I know the ending was much more absurd that it should have been. But I guess at the end of the day, it was for the best. I know we used to share words of love and exchanged them altogether but at this point, i just realised how i actually hated certain things that took place in the course of us being together. It is undoubtedly true that you have held me at my lowest points of my life and have been there at times I needed you. At the same time, you gave up. You gave up on the relationship we tried to build. You gave up on us, and you gave up on me. And when that happened, I stopped believing. At this point, I don't know if I could ever love someone as much as I loved you or if i could do as much as I did for you. Well, I guess time would tell. It's good to know that you are slowly doing well without me. I guess all these are gonna take time before we are both completely okay again. As i type this out tonight, I realised that I'm lost at words. I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling or how you're doing without me right now. All I can say is that I'm sorry this did not work out the way it should have worked out. I guess there is something greater out there that awaits the both of us. The last few lines below are the words I have always wanted to tell you but never could. And yes, there is a lot of hate there but believe me, I could never grow to hate you. You helped me grow through you, through the experiences and memories we shared and with that I thank you. Thank you A.Z. :')

I hate you for giving up on me.
I hate you for giving up on us.
I hate you for hurting me.
I hate you for making me cry. 
I hate you for leaving me. 
I hate you for not being there when I needed you the most.
I hate you for what you’ve done. 
I hate you for ruining everything we had. 
I hate you for making me trust you when you were just gonna break that trust.
I hate you for making me love you so much. 
Mostly, I hate you for making me a fool because there is still a soft spot in my heart for you despite everything you put me through.

I know someday you are gonna read this, and I hope when you do, you are in your best condition. Thanks for the amazing years we shared. Till I see you next. 
338km away, and I wish you well. 
Goodnight to the guy who once had my heart. 

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