When I look at you, my heart starts to ache and I have to look away because I know that I will start to tear up. Knowing that I lost you and will never be able to call you mine again hurts more than you will ever know. Every time I want to talk to you in person I forget what I have to say because your intense stare and character takes my breath away. And so I will say it now in this letter and I hope you read this.
2 years, that’s how long you’ve been in my life. In the course of those 2 years we have gone through many stages of a friendship from meeting to disputes upon disputes and to the end stage, which is now, I have you hating me. It’s been a long time since we’ve known each other and yet here I am today, still hopelessly clueless about how you really are as a person. I want you to know that you are still amazingly great as lovely as the first day. But this letter is not meant to tell you how much love you or value our friendship, I’m pretty sure you know that and the rest of the world too. What I really want to say is this.
I’m letting you live your life happily now. It isn’t healthy for me to constantly pine over you and think about you every second of every minute of every day and I am sure you don't want me doing that too. I dont really know what to do but I want you to be happy without me having to bug you with my text messages or my calls. It’s time for you to be happy on your own, without me. It hurts but I'd do anything to make you happy even if it means that I have to walk out of the life you are living now. I will never regret our memories because it has taught me so much. You were the best part of me and you showed me a love and friendship that can never be replicated. But maybe its time to close this chapter of my life in which I rely on you to much. I am going to learn to be independent and you will learn to be happy. This is not me moving on or letting go, but this is me wanting the best for you. Remember, I will always be there for you no matter what happens.You will always have a special place in my heart. You were my first for almost everything. No one else can take away that title. And I hope that in years to come, I will be able to meet you in the street and smile. I will smile because I will remember all the good times we had and the good will always overpower the bad. Don’t ever change for anyone because you’re perfect just the way you are. You are the most amazing guy I have ever met and you’re going to find someone who will treat you like a king. Be happy because you deserve all the happiness in the world.
But I will never forget you. I’ll never forget the way you look in the morning right after the calls I give you to wake you up. Or the way you smile at me. I’ll never forget the sound of your voice in my ear when you call to annoy me with your chinese words or the way you smell like that apple thing from Victoria Secret. I’ll never forget the way you look when you play football and kick the other guys' asses or the beautiful sound of your horendous laugh. I'll never forget how you cared for me and remind me not to have cold drinks at night. I'll remember those tight hugs that you love so much. And I’ll never forget the way you made me feel, like I was finally good enough for someone. Things are so rough now and I know I can't fix them yet but I just wanna make it clear to you that if you were ever to come back running to me, I'd take you back. Because you were one of those Miracles I wanted to witness in my life.
The one who tore your heart out on a Tuesday night.
PS: You know who you are, and I'm truly sorry.