Sunday, April 17, 2011

Because life is not a fairy tale.

Everything around me is masked with uncertainty and I wish it wouldn't. Maybe there was once a time where whatever my friends thought played a part in my decisions, but that time has long passed. Everyone changes eventually. They changed, I changed too. I guess once I stepped back from that person I used to be, the one that lived for other people, I found out who my real friends were. All I had to do was look around, at who still remained. One flip through my phone contact list, I could already pick out who I would call, and who I wouldn't, who would answer and who would press ignore.I was just, simply put, tired. Tired of making decisions to suit anyone other than myself, tired of being used as my so called "friends"'s stepping stones, just another person who they could use to get to where they wanted to be.

I wish everything would just stop spinning for a second. I wish I was the kind of person who had the courage to stand up and fight for what I want, for what I think is right and what I think I deserve instead of being the kind that doesn't like to start drama, so I just sit down and keep my mouth shut. I wish people would stop judging me because i hate judging and being judged I wish I had enough time to study for my quizzes which are all around this week. I wish I had enough time to go for a jog every day, and I wish I had enough discipline to run every day. I wish I could eat a lot without putting on weight. I wish time would just slow down, and I wish there were more hours in a day.

I can go on wishing and wishing for things to change but I know life is not a fairy tale. No prince charming is gonna come searching for me with glass shoes. I've gotta climb my way up the table. No one is gonna wipe my tears and tell me im okayy because no one can be there for me all the time. Wishes upon wishes and yet things just don't go my way. Thats just life I suppose. An entangled fairy tale.

because each night, i'd cry myself
to sleep thinking of you.

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