Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Because I'm never good enough, and I don't know why.

You know that heavy feeling in your chest when you don't have the desire to do anything except be on your own and cry your heart out about everything- in other words eat out your feelings? The worst part is, most of the time you don't know why you feel that way. And if you do, you prefer to keep it to yourself because usually, it's about the same thing anyway. I feel that way a lot. Maybe sometimes I don't let out as many tears as others but the feeling is there though. That uneasy feeling. Then I feel nothing but even more horrible. I'm supposed to be grateful for what I have. So many others have it worse out there. But what do I do? Complain, complain and complain. Whine, whine and whine. It isn't healthy, I know. It doesn't make me a good person either. I let out my feelings and I rant to those I think (and hope) are willing to listen. I feel so much better after that, I feel relieved. But what about those people I rant to? I'm sure it's a burden to put up with my nonsense. And I'm sure they have their own problems too, just like everyone else. I'm not the only one with "problems". Mine are nothing but dissatisfactions. I can be a good friend to those who matter. And I care- even about people whom I'm not close to. Strangers. I am concerned. But just don't feel like I'm good enough, you know? My self-esteem merely exists.I'm changing. I'm really trying to be a better person. Give me time?

Because Im never good enough

and I dont know why

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